The long and the short of it is that your cannot repair your marriage if the affair is active.
You see, here's the thing...
What you're doing is not fair to either of the people you're in a relationship with . If you want a true relationship with either of them, that means you must truly cherish them. That means not betraying them. Being in a relationship with someone else at the same time is a betrayal. Although it may be nice for you, neither of them deserve that. Sorry for the guilt trip, but if you're ready to fix your relationship, it's time for some real talk.
But here's the other thing....
You may have fallen in love with someone else and you're not sure what to do. Your marriage might be in a terrible spot, and this other relationship is every thing you've ever wanted. If that's the case, it may down to asking the other man or the other woman to wait. That may mean putting things on hold so that you can work on your marriage for a few months. This means no contact at all. At the end of those 2 or 3 months, you will let them know of your definitive decision.
There is no guarantee that he or she will wait for you, or that your spouse will be willing to stay or go. That's the chance you take, isn't it?
The "other" is out of your life, now what?
Pt 2, Expressing True Remorse, coming soon.....
Leana Sykes is a Relationship Counselor and the owner of Leana Sykes Relationship Counseling in Oaklyn, NJ. In-person and online appointments available.